


In Which Arya Does the Exact Opposite of Darning a Particular Shades Socks.

by BloodyAbattoir



Series: How To Torment A Shade To The Point Of Insanity [3]
Category: Eragon (2006), The Inheritance Cycle - Christopher Paolini
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Epic Fail, Gen, Humor, Otherwise They Run The Risk Of Being Slaughtered, Socks, The Author Is Suddenly Grateful That Durza Is (Hopefully) Not Real, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, slowly and painfully
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-09-28 23:28:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20434253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyAbattoir/pseuds/BloodyAbattoir
Summary: Semi-crack, and a bit of a spin-off from In Which Rumplestiltskin's Harebrained Actions Only Work For Him And Ought Not To Be Duplicated By Any Shades, Especially Those Tasked With Chasing An Overgrown Blue Lizard And An Illiterate Farmboy All Over Creation And Failing Terribly At It.Also known as, Arya (being held captive in a castle as the 'housekeeper' and not being tortured in a dungeon) refuses to darn Durza's socks, and may or may not actively unpick them when he isn't looking.





	In Which Arya Does the Exact Opposite of Darning a Particular Shades Socks.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MissRedpen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissRedpen/gifts).

> This is a crack fic through and through. Basically dedicated to a lovely user on here that read the original, and headcannoned that they could see Arya actively unpicking the bastard's socks instead of fixing the holes in them. Plays around with the idea a little.

Trapped in the Shade's castle and tasked with doing the duties of a common servant, Arya had quite a few ideas as to how to make her life slightly more tolerable. She couldn't quite use magic with whatever enchantments had been placed on her, and it appeared that escape, at least for the time being, was out of the realm of possibilities. While she was resigned to the fact that she was to stay here for the foreseeable future, she was not resigned to the fact that she would be doing whatever was requested of her during her stay. 

Indeed, she made up her mind that she would cause as many problems as possible for the Empire, starting with an unsightly Shade. 

One of the tasks that she had been given by Durza was to mend his socks. She wondered how someone was able to poke holes into the toes of nearly every single pair of socks they owned, until the day she was unfortunate enough to see the bastard walking around the castle sans socks or shoes. His toenails were almost as long and straggly as his fingernails. 

She repressed a shudder as a genius thought popped into her mind. Why should she waste her time darning his overly large, hideously printed socks, when his untrimmed toenails would simply tear another hole in the wool within a week? In fact, she may as well 'help' the situation. 

A few nights later saw her up late at night with one of the Shades ugly socks draped across her lap, a large hole in the tip of it. Working quickly, she found the loose strand of yarn, and tugging it as hard as possible, managed to unravel the entire toe in a matter of a few minutes. Smiling to herself, she wadded up the loose yarn strands so they tangled, before tossing the entire sock into the nearby basket of 'clean' laundry to be sent up to the Shades chambers. 

She managed to deconstruct another sock in a similar fashion, taking the entire heel apart, before crawling off to bed. In this case, 'bed' was actually a random closet in a hallway that had a mattress tossed onto the floor. Initially, the Shade had intended for her to share a bed with him at night, until he realized that she would lay down in the absolute middle of the bed and hog all of the blankets, leaving him to attempt to get comfortable in the mere foot and a half of space between her and the edge of the bed. 

After the first night spent shivering with no blankets, and Arya doing her most accurate fish out of water impersonation that resulted in him being 'accidentally' kicked off the bed three times in the space of an hour, he decided that his bed ought to be an elf-free zone, perhaps the wisest choice that he had made since he decided that he was going to attempt to turn the princess into a domestic servant. 

By the time that Arya had been held in the castle for a solid month, Durza no longer had any matching pairs of socks, and was grateful that his boots were knee high, lest anyone notice his mismatched socks. Not that they would laugh at him to his face, but he shuddered to think about the rumours that they might spread behind his back. By the time that she had been there for two months, there were days that he would be forced to don his boots sans socks.

When she had been there for three months, not only did he no longer have a single pair of socks, but there were days that she was positive that he wore nothing under his voluminous black cloak, perhaps courtesy of the fact that she refused to wash any of his laundry, and he had indeed missed several meetings with the king, likely important, as appearing skyclad was not an option. 

Eventually, Eragon and Sapphira came to the rescue, and whisked her away from the Shade, but not before she finally broke and did his laundry all of once, tossing the rare few pieces of white clothing he owned into a washing machine along with bleach and several bright red articles of clothing as a final 'fuck you'. Several days after she escaped, Durza, finally out of clothing, wandered into the laundry room of his castle, a place that he had set foot in perhaps twice before, and opened the washing machine. 

The enraged screech that issued from his mouth at the sight of his now bright pink clothing was loud enough to be heard in Surda.


End file.
